I've been thinking a lot about honesty. I'm not talking truth vs. lie, I'm talking about openness, being real, being honest about what you think and feel.
I was thinking back to younger Faith, when telling a story of something that happened or something that was going on, in my description of the situation or circumstances, I always included how I felt. I described my thoughts and emotions in every situation. In particular, I'm thinking about my teen & young adult years. My friends at the time, they didn't make fun of it, but they found it amusing; and they would stop me and to ask, "Wait, how were you feeling, hope you better now?". It never "hurt" my feelings, but I became keenly aware of what I shared. Maybe people didn't really want to know what I was feeling.
I don't think my young mind truly processed it at the time, but hindsight I can see where I stopped sharing my emotions. You have to be in the inner circle and willing to dig a little to get my real feelings and emotions. (Yes, I'm fully aware of how unhealthy that is).
A couple of weeks ago I was put on the spot. It
wasn't a question that was life or death that needed to answer, but it was a question that would require me to be a little vulnerable and share what I might really be thinking or feeling. Instead I laughed it off and made an escape. You know what's sad about all of that? I wanted/needed someone to ask that question, so I could get answers myself. But that would've required some honesty from myself. Why is that so scary? I know it was scary because I didn't know what the other answer would be, but hadn't I been complaining about needing an answer?
I was thinking back to younger Faith, when telling a story of something that happened or something that was going on, in my description of the situation or circumstances, I always included how I felt. I described my thoughts and emotions in every situation. In particular, I'm thinking about my teen & young adult years. My friends at the time, they didn't make fun of it, but they found it amusing; and they would stop me and to ask, "Wait, how were you feeling, hope you better now?". It never "hurt" my feelings, but I became keenly aware of what I shared. Maybe people didn't really want to know what I was feeling.
I don't think my young mind truly processed it at the time, but hindsight I can see where I stopped sharing my emotions. You have to be in the inner circle and willing to dig a little to get my real feelings and emotions. (Yes, I'm fully aware of how unhealthy that is).
A couple of weeks ago I was put on the spot. It
wasn't a question that was life or death that needed to answer, but it was a question that would require me to be a little vulnerable and share what I might really be thinking or feeling. Instead I laughed it off and made an escape. You know what's sad about all of that? I wanted/needed someone to ask that question, so I could get answers myself. But that would've required some honesty from myself. Why is that so scary? I know it was scary because I didn't know what the other answer would be, but hadn't I been complaining about needing an answer?
What right do I have to be angry or upset at someone else's lack of candid honesty, when I can't or won't give it to myself??
I'm not wanting to be the girl that attaches her emotions to everything, but I do think it's time to be the very girl that is just been real & honest with her emotions and what she feels too.
So I guess it begins here..............Chao!!!!
2 comments:
Go baby sis nice one. My dear its the truth hmmmm am speechles.
thanks sister Charity..
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